Comfort in my own skin

This is my 301th post! To celebrate I am going to blog about something deeper than my average food-restaurant review-happenings posts. 

A lot of people grow up with insecurities. We are afraid to be rejected at school, we are afraid of not getting our parents' approvals and we are afraid that we are just not good enough. Needless to say, I was one of those people as well. 

Growing up hasn't been easy for me. Because of my condition, I was always picked on since kindergarten. Hard to believe right, those 5 years old angels can taunt their fellow mates. 5 years old calling names. Hard to believe but true. I remembered when we were playing games, I would be the last one to get picked. Not even pick perhaps, maybe just the leftover.

That has make me to be a perfectionist - in a bad way. Nobody can do it right (in my eyes!!) Nobody can achieve the standards that I have set. A nature of competitiveness has always been in me. I used to fall for the wrong guys - guys that would rebel - as I thought that it is cool.

In college, I began to grow uncomfortable in my own skin. I wish I was someone else, doing something else. I am always not happy with something, always demanding more. I think I pretty much exhausted everyone around me with my constant perfectionism. That leads to depression - a depression that I suffered through college and then throughout my working days in KL.  

And then I met God in Brisbane. God changes everything - He accepted me for who I am. In fact, He created me the way I am. I am special to Him. Every imperfection in me He has created. Why? I am not sure - perhaps just the way He wants me to honour Him, the way He wants me to tell His-story in my life. 

Accepting God in my life has not been easy. First, I have to accept the notion that in fact there is a God and He is the God that have created us. He created us perfect the way that we are. Every hair on us is numbered. God is pretty detailed, even to the number of hairs we have. And he loves every single thing of us. 

That was pretty radical to me. Someone that actually love me the way I am, like my own family. Perhaps actually even more than my family. Someone that I do not at that point know yet; let alone the revelation that He actually loves me from the day that I am created in my mother's womb. That is quite an amazing love there. 

I have come a long way to learn this. The very fact that for once, I can actually be comfortable in my own skin. I can be who I am, for God wants me to be the best I can be. And having the security to do that, it is priceless.

Do you know God yet? It is time to start :-)

Grumpy old before

Happy cheerful now